An open letter to my unborn son

Connor,

As of today, I’ve been carrying you for 37 weeks. Your lungs are strong enough to sustain life outside of the womb, if you decide you need to come early. I’d love you to bake a bit longer but you are welcome anytime.

Your daddy and I prayed SO hard for SO long for you. And there is so much I want for you and so much I am afraid of and so much I am excited to experience with you. I want for you to feel loved, always. And I want for you to be comfortable with who you are and with who others are. I want for you to be healthy and to and embrace both your strengths and weaknesses. And I am afraid that people may bully you. I am concerned that I may not always be able to connect with you in the way that you need. I am scared of the day that you will find out what I have found out – that this world and the many people in it are not always kind and they are very rarely rational and even less frequently ethical.

But it is the experiences we will have together that will enrich our lives. I promise to try to give you what you need. I promise to be the bad guy when I have to because your father is a kind and soft hearted man, a trait I hope you pick up in some fashion. I promise to hold you when you cry, if you want me to. I promise to let you fall because you are strong. I promise that you will not be overly spoiled with material goods. I promise that I will teach you about Christ’s love, why we advocate for equality for all human beings, the wonders of science, and why you should never discount the miracle of life as anything less than God’s most precious gift.

Because that is what you are.

I am sorry that you won’t have grandparents to love on you. I have so many friends who are wonderful people and I know that many of them are excited to step into your life and show you every ounce of love and support that they can muster. I want to teach you that family is an earned designation. Some people who are related to you by blood may get a headstart but in no way does that allow them to take that designation for granted. I will work hard to have the type of connection with you that I hope will result in you wanting to consider daddy and I as your family forever. Other people will reach into your life and you will consider them family. Treat them well, because you should never take that designation for granted either.

Your daddy and I love God. I am so excited to see you grow and gain a relationship with Our Savior, Jesus Christ. He is an amazing man who paid with his own life so that through a relationship with him, we could be pure enough to enter the kingdom of Heaven. This does not mean that you cannot or will not sin. You will. Everyone does. All sins break God’s heart equally but the good news is that Jesus is the part of God that so desparately wants a relationship with us that we are always welcome home to Him. He is the ultimate Father and the source of love.
It is true that some people who practice our faith judge others but that is not what we do. We very much so hope to raise you to understand that your focus should be on growing yourself spiritually and what you can provide to others in need. Part of what people need is acceptance, support, and love. And as we respect you, we pray that you will learn to respect the beautiful differences in others.

We will read to you, play with you, and explore with you. I hope that you encourage us to get out of our comfort zones. I want to give you the confidence to believe in your choices and the knowledge that your daddy and I will not always be right. I am excited to learn from you and I hope that we facilitate an environment that empowers you.

Your life will not always be easy and I hope you embrace the challenges. I pray that nothing takes your daddy or I away before we are very old and very gray. As long as we are around, we will be here for you.

You’ll find that I do that. I reword things. I don’t know why. But I do know that I love you and that I am so thankful you chose us to bring you into this world. I believe in your future so strongly. I don’t care if you are happy working in a small indie shop or as a CEO for a Fortune 100. As long as you are treating others well and believe in what you are doing, you have made the right choice.

We have so many days to greet together. I could not be happier.

With deep love,

Your mother

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